What was on Judas' mind?

Judas.

Just the name itself makes you think of a traitor.  Cowardly.  Greedy.  Two-faced.

Is there a missing dimension to Judas that can teach us more about who he was?  Could it possibly teach us about who we are?

It is about two weeks before Easter and I wonder what was going through the minds of those who followed Jesus.  They were getting ready to celebrate the holiday of Passover but could they sense that something was changing?  Were they completely unaware that they were entering into the final 10 days of Jesus' ministry on Earth?

And what was going on in Judas' mind?

It is likely that at this point he was already in negotiations with religious leaders to show them where Jesus was staying at night.  No one wanted to take Jesus into custody by day because it would have caused a scene and they weren't sure whether Jesus would incite a riot to defend Himself.  So it was important to find out where Jesus was at night (since He often moved around) and take care of bringing Him to justice under the cover of night.

So Judas betrays Jesus by revealing Jesus' location at night.

There are a few things that don't add up, though.  For one, the price.  Judas sells out Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.  Depending on how you value the money it was anywhere between five and fifteen thousand dollars.  Not exactly the amount that gets you a plane ticket to a beach in Mexico to live out the rest of your life.  And Judas returns later to throw the money back at their feet.  Judas may have been the greedy one of the group but it is obvious he wasn't in it for the money.

Add to it the kiss.  When he approaches Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, he approaches Jesus with a kiss.  A coward who had just sold out his master would remain hidden among the crowd and point from a distance.  Only the most arrogant and callous of individuals would seal their betrayal with a kiss.

But Judas wasn't arrogant or callous.  When Judas found out that Jesus was condemned he hung himself.  This shows that Judas was invested in the outcome.  Something didn't go according to Judas' plan . . .

And what was that plan?

Is it possible that Judas got tired of Jesus teaching and doing His miracles among the illiterate?  Was it possible that Judas' betrayal was a way to get Jesus an audience with those who could do something about it?  Perhaps Judas was thinking that finally among the Sanhedrin Jesus' truth could be seen.  Or perhaps it was Judas' push to get Jesus confronting the religious elite.  We will probably never know.

What seems obvious, even though we will never be sure, is that it wasn't about money.  He threw it back. It wasn't about being upset with Jesus because Judas threw his own life away.

Is it possible that for Judas God wasn't acting quickly enough?

Everyone has a timetable, an internal sense of when something should happen.  We get anxious when nothing happens.  Something should happen.  Nothing is happening.  God is not answering my prayers.  Why are you silent?  Why don't you act?  Our lives are filled with mistakes we make when we feel like God isn't acting.  We push.  Bend the rules.  Plant seeds in conversations.  Bargain.  Bully.  Press.

Our headlines are filled with grievous evil of people who have stopped listening to God and His timing and His rhythms and take matters into their own hands.  Twenty people in Tunisia are gone today because of someone playing the part of God.

And it all starts with thinking we know better.

We don't.

"God grant us the ability to let you lead and not push."

Let the wicked change their ways
    and banish the very thought of doing wrong.
Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them.
    Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:7-9

Tim Tebow back in the news

So Tim Tebow is back in the sports headlines . . .

Yes, the man that many love to hate and lots of the ladies love to love - Tim Tebow.  The guy that continued to amaze many by his lack of skill but ability to keep on winning.

Tebow was chided for a while by sports snobs who gave him the same status as The Bieb.  He was a phenom who didn't really have the staying power as elite in his field.  

But he kept winning because he had faith. 

It didn't hurt that he had a really good defense on the Broncos as well, but some of those wins you had to chalk up to miracles.

Unlike Bieber, however,  the guy has mountains of character.  Nothing against The Biebs.  I am sure he will eventually turn it around . . . maybe . . . but there is something so compelling about someone who is mostly cake rather than mostly icing (and not the other way around).  Tebow is more likely to spend his time bedside in a pediatric cancer ward than in the clubs.  This is not just praise, this is literally what the guy did.  When everyone else was jawing off to a reporter, Tebow was giving a kid the walkaround at the stadium.  He was the first guy at the practice facility and the last guy to go home.  Tim Tebow is the real deal.  

And people are fascinated with the real deal.

It is inspiring to us because it is his faith that fuels his legitimacy.  He doesn't talk about his faith he lives his faith and lets that speak for him.

Athlete?  Yes.  Devoted?  Yes.  Supportive teammate?  Yes.

But the heart of it all is wrapped up in his faith in Christ.

And that is why he is showing up again.  No, not because he is a Christian - far from it.  Not necessarily because he is a great athlete - which he is.  It is because his faith drives him to be the best that he can be and people take notice of that.  Bellicheck wanted him in the room because he is an infectious leader.  When your faith speaks for you, it changes the way you are perceived.  People want to be around you when you are authentic.  

Here is the thing - people are often distracted by Christianity but drawn to Christ.  There is something different about the person that moves through life the way Christ did - you want that person in the room . . . you can't stop talking about him or her.

And that is the reason why he is still being talked about.  

Listen, he will probably not play football in the NFL, but people will still be talking about him because there is something different about the way that he moves through life.

He isn't a moral crusader.
He isn't a Bible thumper.
He isn't a political figure.

He takes seriously what he wants to do and impresses the heck out of the people as he does it.  If only we all could take seriously Paul's suggestion to live as :

" 'temporary residents and foreigners' to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world." 1 Peter 2

So it would be really interesting to see Tim back in the NFL, but it is even more inspiring to see him still making news because the faith that fuels him is authentic.

I want to be like that.

When will we stop acting like little kids?

It has been hard to hear anything other than Philadelphia Eagles news this week.

I am a lifelong fan and this week seems at times to me that I am watching the head coach put the entire team in a shredder.  It would be easier to write about that, but I think I would end up crying. This was the front page of the Philadelphia Daily News:

But there was other news that happened this week.  It has to do with our country, Iran, Democrats and Republicans.  Both political parties acted like nimrods.  In case you hadn't heard it, here is a quick summary:

The History.

Our nation has had a long history of not negotiating with Iran because they are considered terrorists.  As far back as the late seventies when they took hostages at the Iranian embassy to current day in which they are bankrolling groups like Hezbollah, the Iranian State has been sponsoring terrorism.

This has changed in recent years.  Figuring we can do more good by talking with (rather than ignoring) the leadership in Iran, the current administration has been trying to talk with Iran.  The thinking is that we can figure out how to bring Iran into the community of Western Nations peacefully through dialogue.  Sounds like an idea.

Iran wants to talk to us because it has been trying to get nuclear power for its citizens.  Cheap power will help bring Iranians into the digital age.  Currently its reactors depend on Russia for enriched atomic fuel.  The leaders of Iran feel that the Western World is trying to keep them primitively dependent on them.  Iran feels it has a right to have the same access to nuclear technology as other nations and promises that its aims are peaceful.  So our current administration, along with a host of other Western Nations has been trying to negotiate a way for Iran to have nuclear power without having nuclear weapons.

Why don't we just give them the right to have nuclear power?

Well, because deep within the hearts (and the charters written by) a great many of Iranian leaders is the desire to "wipe Israel off the face of the Earth."  Iran is tied to its theocracy and the radical elements of Islam want to wage war with Israel.  The fear is that if Iran got hold of fissile material it could be made into weaponry and quickly used to annihilate Israel.  This is not "maybe" or "they might" it is more like "what date would they pick to do it?"

To be balanced, not everyone in leadership in Iran has that same desire and not everyone has the same access to power.  The reality is that the bulk of Iranian citizens are not hate-filled radical terrorists.  As in America, Iranian leadership does not always represent the Iranian people.  However, the shifts of power within the Iranian State make the whole thing a dicey affair.  Everyone, regardless of politics is scared of Iran with nukes.

So if we agree they should have weapons, what are we talking about?

The current administration was seeking to negotiate an agreement with the leaders in Iran that would enable nuclear power without the ability for nuclear weapons.  If we don't talk, they secretly pursue nuclear power and weapons.  If we talk and come to an agreement that they can have power but no weapons then maybe everyone wins.  The talks are very delicate, however.  If the Iranians feel pushed they can walk away and more robustly pursue an 'underground' nuclear program and blame everything on the big bully America.

But there are some who feel that we shouldn't even be talking with the Iranians.  The more we talk, the more they pursue a nuclear program secretly.  The president of Israel came and spoke to Congress this week saying that we should not even be in negotiations with the Iranians because it will only be a matter of time before they attack.  It has been Israel's stance to make sure they are not even close to weapons-grade atomic material - even using air strikes in the past to take out facilities that were preparing to do so.

But our administration has stated that something needs to be done because the bridge to nuclear capability will be crossed at some point.  It might as well be done with talks rather than with cold war tactics of sanctions and no communication.  The thinking is that you talk to the bully so you have control over the situation rather than ignore the bully and then deal with the aftermath.  So talks with the Iranian State continue.

So what happened this week?

And this is where the political games began.  Instead of listening to each other and trying to work on something collaboratively the Democrats and Republicans locked horns.  Both acted like little kids.

Just for the record, I am a firm believer that Republicans and Democrats are equally ridiculous.  Not a big political rah-rah one way or another.  God made it clear that we are pretty messed up no matter how you slice it. In this incident, the Republicans were first to act childish by sending a letter to the Iranian leadership saying essentially, "don't listen to these guys negotiating with you about nukes, they are gone in a couple of years and this agreement will be worth nothing."  This was well intentioned, but really low.  I am sure every one of those politicians felt they were protecting Israel and our nation from destruction, but it was like talking dirty about your family to the bully.  

And of course, true to form, the Democrats responded with a barrage of finger-pointing saying that they undermined the authority of the Administration and played games for political support.  This assumes that Republicans are just out for their own political good when it may just be that they are scared to death of Iranian radicals getting their hands on nukes.  It is sad when there is absolutely no respect on either side.  If only each side would give the other the benefit of the doubt.  Work together.  Listen to each other.  We are on the same team.

This is why politics is so unappealing to so many.  It is why underneath all of the nice suits and fancy cars and offices we are just little kids acting out our fears well into our old age.

It is also why we need a Savior.  God help us.  

Miley Cyrus as a Mom . . .

So yes, it is a joke (we think) that Miley Cyrus is going to be a mom.

The announcement was made that she was pregnant last week.  It was followed up with confirmation by her dad.  But weren't we all laughing when it was discovered that in fact she is pregnant with a pizza baby?

I mean really, what is more funny than seeing Miley Cyrus undergoing a pizza Sonogram?  Yeah, okay . . . it really is kind of creepy, actually.

But then I thought about it . . . what if she was pregnant?

It makes me scared to think if she was pregnant.  Well, actually scared and somewhat hopeful.  Two very different voices fight within me:

Judgmental Voice:

"This is clearly another publicity stunt to build her 'brand.'  This kind of makes me feel nauseous - playing with the formation of another life to get headlines.  Remember this is the same lady who pushed the limits of decency at VMAs and within weeks lit a joint at the European version of the same show.  She has admitted to her own addiction to attention and would do anything to keep it . . . including playing the baby momma.  When I think of how sweet and innocent little babies are and how much they are formed by their parents it makes me scared to think of a human who would be brought up in a petri dish of stardom, anxiety over attention and constant public speculation.  What kind of chance for a real life would this person really have?"

Voice of Grace:
"Judgmental John, I am shocked at how harshly you are judging this woman.  Snap out of it!  We are talking about life here.  A tiny baby is being formed and one day will breathe and cry and eat and sleep.  It is a miracle that it all happens at all!  The Bible speaks of life as a gift straight from God - no exceptions.  It doesn't say except when they come from immature self-centered starlets.  And what does any of that say about grace?  Couldn't God do whatever He wants with whomever He wants?"  

"Weren't they all shocked when a young lady named Mary was found to be with child?  In fact Mary's family sent her away to her cousin and her betrothed looked for a way to annul the marriage.  God does whatever He wants with whomever He wants."

Judgmental Voice:
"Umm . . . backup . . . there is no way you can put Mary and Miley in the same sentence.  One was a teenager who was used by God to carry the Messiah and the other is an overexposed attention hound.  You can't really be so naive as to think that just because someone gets pregnant that they are suddenly arrested by the enormity of it all.  How would any of this change Miley Cyrus?"

Voice of Grace:
"True - the two ladies are worlds apart - but one was created for the other.  The whole point of Mary carrying the Messiah is to show immature and overexposed attention hounds that there is more to this life than the constant attention of strangers.  Judging her will only send her down the road of self-destruction quicker.  Life and death are in the words we speak and we have the responsibility to speak grace wherever we can - even if it seems ridiculous.  No, especially because it seems ridiculous.  Grace, by its very nature is ridiculous but it gives life in the end."

Judgmental Voice:
"Point taken . . . but the whole thing does make you really thankful for mom."

Voice of Grace:
"Amen to that."

And so it ends on this.  I am grateful that I had a mother who put her life on hold for nine months to twenty-some years and invested everything she had to raise me.  She wasn't a saint but she certainly wasn't a self-centered . . . well, let's just say it could have been worse.  Thanks mom and thank you especially for the voice of grace that always wins when people are concerned.

I may never meet Miley Cyrus, but I will definitely meet lots of people in my life who need the grace of God to keep moving forward in life.  And that is good because I will definitely be someone who needs it at times too.

Leaning into the Son's warmth

It's Deep Thoughts Thursday again . . .

A quick but sincere thought.  Right now we are in a pattern of pretty cold temperatures and icy and snowy conditions.  It seems like spring is still far off and the days of wearing T-shirts and flip-flops is forever away.

It is ironic, though that we are closer to the sun right now than we will be in the summer.  The way that the Earth's orbit travels we are farther away from the sun in the summer and closer in the winter.  The reason we feel warmer in the summer is because of our angle as we spin through space.  The angle is inclined toward the sun in the summer and away from it in the winter.  It is why temperate zones get seasons.

So even though we are closer to the sun in the winter we are not inclined toward the sun and so it feels cooler (and indeed is cooler).  But in the summer we are farther away but we are inclined toward the sun (so we are toastier).  It is like our area of the world 'leans in' and feels the sun's rays even though we are farther away.

Of course all of this only applies to the northern hemisphere (the opposite is the case for our friends in Australia).

Just an interesting note that regardless of distance, if we incline ourselves toward the sun, we can feel its warmth.  The same is true of our relationship with God.  No matter what we have done or how far we travel from God, the warmth of His love is easy to feel if we just lean into it.

The thing about prayer is that sometimes God has a mind of His own . . .

We were young and married and we were tired of living in an apartment.

Tired is hardly the word . . . worn out is more like it.  The people above us stayed up all night.  Literally.  I actually went upstairs one night at one a.m. and found they had the door wide open with a plastic sign "Feliz Cumpleanos" strung up across the archway.  Someone was walking out and I asked if there was a plan for a party and he shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't live there.  Are you kidding?  Well the good news is that it finished up around four a.m.  Great hours for a party.

I got back at them by aiming my speakers at the ceiling where their beds would be, turning up the bass and turning on Talk Radio as I left for the day.  I figured that maybe I can get them on a less nocturnal routine if I disrupt their sleep during the day.

On nights we didn't have to put up with sounds from above that sounded like a furniture-moving demonstration, we had the man next store who relieved his flatulence with gusto.  Imagine the romance of a Friday night watching a movie with your spouse and hearing the pressure released from the spleen of your grandfather.  Oh and then there were the Sunday afternoons that we were treated to high levels of karaoke from the apartment below us.

We were desperate to move.

And so when we saw a house on Hickory Street for sale we went into full-scale prayer mode.  "God please let it be in your will for us to have this house . . ."

It wasn't. 

I was so crushed.  I couldn't understand why God would deny us of something so obvious.  It was a need and here was a solution.  Why couldn't the two just connect?

See, the thing with prayer is that God has a mind of His own.  We can't treat him like a vending machine.  Well, I guess we can but it won't do any good.  His business isn't in dispensing blessings but molding character.  And sometimes that character is best molded in difficulty.  I wish it weren't so, but it is.  We go through pain because we are being shaped by God into something more than we currently are.

That is why when we pray we need to remember how Jesus prayed.  Matthew, Mark and Luke all tell of Jesus praying to God as He is about to be betrayed:  

"Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)  

And it wasn't just this night that He prayed like that.  Jesus routinely talked of God's will as more important than His own:

"For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent me." (John 6:38)

Sometimes we are guilty of praying in a way that doesn't just ask God for help but actually seeks to justify our faith.  In other words, "yes, God I need this from you and this will also be a great time to remind me that you are there."  The problem with that is when we go to God in prayer we are already agreeing with Him that He already knows what we need.  We are okay with the result either way because He is already on the job.  Anything less becomes more about me and that isn't the purpose of prayer to begin with.

So we didn't get the house on Hickory Lane.  I would have loved to fix up the nice little end unit row home with the small yard.   I learned that God has a mind of His own and it is better to get attached to His will than my desires.

About a year after that I was able to treasure that lesson from the backyard of my detached ranch that I never thought I would be able to afford.  Yeah, sometimes God works like that too.

An American in Paris.

It was six months until my wife's birthday in September and I had come up with the world's best plan to surprise her on her special day.  I was so excited it was hard to contain myself.

The plan would go like this . . .

I would save up some money for two plane tickets to Germany and then rent a car to travel to some friends in Germany.  We would stay there a little over a week visiting some of the best sights in Europe: The Swiss Alps, Paris, Neuschwanstein and the Black Forest.

The best part about my plan?  I would completely sweep her off her feet!  I would keep all of this a secret until about two hours before we need to leave for the airport.  In my head I saw the surprised and ecstatic look on her face as I told her she was going to Europe for the very first time!  "Grab your clothes, throw them in a suitcase and let's be off to Europe just the two of us!"  She would then throw her arms around me and I would win husband of the year.

That was in my head.  I love ideas when they are in your head.  There is a big difference, however, between your plans and reality.

Especially when your wife is a planner . . .


And you have two young kids . . .


. . .  and the day of your flight is the first day of KINDERGARTEN for the first child.

Yes, you read that right.  The day we take off was also the first day of school.  You know, pictures of your kids posing with their lunch box and backpack . . . mom wiping away tears.  Walking them to the bus stop.  Spending the rest of the day emotional about how fast the time is going.

I remembered this fact after purchasing the tickets.

Yeah, I just figured that was small potatoes when you consider EUROPE!  I was convinced that I was getting husband of the year despite the small 'first day of school' oversight.  She'll get over it, right?  

I justified and defended my actions in my head: Every mom of little kids instantly forgets their children and is ready for a romantic vacation with their husband in another country as soon as their little one gets on a school bus on their first day of school ever, right?

Well my wife sniffed something was going on in the summer when I asked her to get her passport for the 10th time.  She looked me in the eye and said, "what are you planning . . . tell me now."

"You'll ruin the surprise," I protested.

"Tell me now, I don't like surprises."

Excuse me, who doesn't like surprises - everyone loves surprises - what is she thinking?

"Trust me honey, you will want to be surprised"

"I am not going anywhere until you tell me what you have planned."

I gave in.  I was really sad that I was letting the surprise out of the bag but I figured I could at least collect my trophy early for what I was about to tell her.

It didn't go at all like I thought . . .

Her face turned from adamant to confused and then to what I can best describe as 'really confused.'  To her credit she thanked me for thinking of it all and planning such an amazing week.  She kept taking deep breaths and had this far away look in her eyes.  Having never been out of the country before was something that weighed on her as a mom with little kids.  So she was starting to get used to the idea and then she brought up, "but you are thinking of doing this before school starts, right."

And here is where the bomb goes off.  3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

"Um, no . . . I'm not thinking of it, I already bought the tickets."

You should have been there . . . I can laugh about it now, but it was clear in the moment how much I didn't even consider something as important as the first day of school.

"When are the tickets for?"  She asked.

How do you actually say, "the first day of school" in a way that doesn't make you look like the most insensitive man that ever walked the earth?

This was definitely not going well.  She was genuinely touched that I thought of her enough to do something like this.  She assured me that she understood I meant well.  However, she was equally ticked that for some reason I forgot we had children and that my plan for our son's first day of school involved her mother filling in for her.

This is why marriage is fun.  Maybe not at the time you go through it, but definitely looking back I shake my head at how clueless I was.  The discussion had some tears and some genuine moments of anger but it simmered and eventually cooled.

. . . until I told her that we were traveling on Air India.

No joke.  That took a few days to get over.  This was post-9/11 and she was convinced that we were going to die.

You should have seen how cheap those tickets were though!

And it was really cool to fly on a plane with live animals.

All this is to say take comfort - the thing that you think is about to break you may very well be the thing that you will laugh at in the years to come.  Seriously, you might think the fight you have with your parents or your best friend or your spouse is the thing that is about to un-do you.  Over time, with enough love and understanding (and the grace of God), you will look back and laugh.   As my mom always said, "this too shall pass."

Hold onto that, because it might be all you have right now.

And I will have to continue this story with the actual trip - the bugs in our hotel room in Paris were enormous (and yes, we can laugh about that now, too).