Internal/External

Yesterday I was thinking about this and I wonder if I have come to a writable thought.

All of us have questions about the nature of faith and whether what we believe is true or not.  When these questions continue in our minds without some sort of action, they begin to rot and lead to decay of what we believe.  This decay leads to indecision and we become paralyzed internally - not wanting to admit that we don't have the certainty that we may have once had but not wanting to admit that things have changed.

So we look for inspiration from apologists to tell us that what we believe is worth following.

But all of this is on the outside.  These are questions that deal with whether "it" is true as if our beliefs are something that we attach ourselves to.  Is is possible that this kind of faith is no good to us because it is always evaluated.  Like a judge we are always sifting through the evidence.

Isn't the true believer internalizing the faith?  Jesus said the Kingdom of God is within us.  We act on what we believe and so it becomes true in our lives.  It becomes the truth because of how it changes us.  The reality of the Gospel is not "did it happen" but rather "is it happening inside of me?"  I mean did Jesus really do what He did so that I can comfortably put my trust in Him?  Or did He come to this earth so that I too might die to myself.

The greatest apologetic for the faith might just be how much it changes me from the inside-out.  Which, when you think of it, is much harder to put your mind around.